My Journey as a Surrogate

Saturday, February 02, 2008

The emotional wringer

Today I found out that my IM didn't respond well to the meds, so our cycle has been cancelled. As of now it is unknown why she didn't respond well. She's speculating that it may be because she started the meds immediately after the chemical pregnancy. I'm not sure what the next step is.. if we'll be moving on with another cycle or not. I think my IP's just need some time to take this in and then decide. In the meantime it's killing me not knowing what the future holds. :(

I can hardly go back to my "February Love Bugs" group on the surrogacy board I'm on. I feel physically ill reading about everyone elses' journeys and transfers.. even though I'm happy for them, I'm feeling sorry for my IP's and myself. :( I can't even begin to imagine what infertility must feel like, if I'm feeling this sad over a baby that isn't even created yet, that isn't even mine!

And is it sick that I'm going to miss giving myself my lupron shots every night?? :(

This really really really sucks.